Beneath the Stars Read online

  I’m surprised as hell they didn’t try harder with Mr. Carson. Honestly, I’m a little disappointed. But this does answer my question.

  Sam doesn’t know about his drinking.

  Goldi’s avoiding me. Instead of the shy smiles and eye contact that heats my veins, we’re back to cold shoulders and turned heads. I’m willing to bet it’s because of Jax. Once again, I feel like her dirty little secret and the feeling fucking sucks. I don’t want to come between her and Jax, even though the thought of them together makes me fucking crazy. Okay, that’s a lie. I’d love to come between them—make her realize it’s us who are meant to be, but I’m not going to do that. If he makes her happy, I’ll suffer through her friendship for the rest of my life and find a way to be content.

  Work is busy, so I don’t push a conversation with Goldi. If she wants to pretend we’re back to being strangers, I’ll let her be. But if she thinks I’m not showing up to her dad’s tonight, she’s in for a shock. As long as I can help, I will.

  There isn’t much conversation during dinner. Mr. Carson’s in one of his moods and has learned quickly if he has nothing nice to say to Alina, he needs to keep his fucking mouth shut—at least when I’m around. There’s a tension that had all but disappeared between Goldi and me. Now it’s back, beaming like a beacon and letting me know things are not okay with us. I’m wracking my brain to figure out what the hell it is I did to make this sudden one-eighty shift.

  I set her dad up in his recliner after we eat and hang out with him for a bit to shoot the shit. He starts to doze off and I head back to the kitchen to check in on Goldi. She’s at the sink, soapsuds up to her arms as she slowly washes the dishes. It looks like she’s in a trance, staring out the window, lost in her thoughts.

  I walk up beside her, wedging myself between the corner of the fridge and the counter, watching her rub the wet sponge over the surface of a red plate.

  “How you feeling, Goldi?” Every time I use her nickname, I hold my breath, waiting to see if she gets upset. I’ve slipped up a few times and she hasn’t called me on it, so I use it now to test the waters.

  Her arms pause and her jaw tightens, but she doesn’t correct me. She just looks back down to the plate and resumes washing it.

  I cross my arms, leaning against the fridge. “Are we back to this, again? Did I do something to upset you?”

  She peeks over at me but bites her lip to keep from saying anything.

  I chuckle. “Now I know something’s up. It’s not like you to hold back. Did you finally learn how to hone that filter?” I go for teasing, but it misses the mark as she drops the plate and sponge in the water, twisting her head to stare me down. Even with the rage that swirls around her irises, she’s fucking beautiful.

  “Don’t act cute,” she hisses, pointing a soapy finger at me.

  I raise my brows and point at myself. “Me? What am I doing?”

  “You know exactly what you’re doin’. Comin’ in here, takin’ care of me and Daddy like you have any right. Tryin’ to weave your way back into my good graces. Make me forget about the past. Well, I’m done playin’ your games, Chase.”

  “Whoa… that is not what I’m trying to do. There isn’t some ulterior motive here, Goldi.”

  She slams her hands on the edge of the sink. “Stop callin’ me that! You don’t get to call me that anymore. It’s confusin’. Makes me feel like we’re still…”

  “Still what?” I ask, moving closer to her.

  She exhales. “Still us.”

  My insides burn at her words, and I move in next to her. “We’ll always be us, Goldi.”

  Her head jerks. “I don’t accept that.”

  “You don’t have to.” I shrug. “Doesn’t change the fact.”

  She huffs. “Facts, huh? Here’s a fact. You were sleepin’ with someone else while my mama was dyin’.” She inhales a shaky breath. “So you can’t just come back here and expect things to magically be okay.”

  My stomach drops to my feet. What? Does she think… I cover my mouth, the realization she’s spent the last eight years thinking I cheated on her making bile burn my throat. What the fuck.

  My hands grip her hips, turning her body to face me. Her soapy hands soak through my shirt as she tries to push me away, but I glide my palms up her sides until I’m firmly gripping her shoulders, anchoring her in place. I need to keep her here. Make sure she hears what I’m about to say. This is important.

  “Baby…” The endearment makes her stop fighting. “I’ve done a lot of things I regret when it comes to you. To us. Got lost in my head and let you slip through my fingers, instead of treating you like the fucking queen you are. I know I’m guilty of that.”

  She looks to the side. I put my fingers under her chin and turn her face back. I want her eyes on me for this. “I have never cheated on you. There isn’t anything in this world that would make me pick a quick thrill over what we had. What we still have.”

  “I don’t believe you,” she whispers.

  My gut tightens, but I’m not surprised by her words. “That picture on Facebook looked bad. Missing your recital was bad. Being blind to Lindsay manipulating me—allowing her to come between us was beyond bad. But that’s all it was, Alina. Lindsay’s manipulations and my fucked-up brain thinking she was my penance. A way to right my wrongs with Lily and my mom.”

  Tears well in her eyes. I’m desperate to get it all out while I have her attention. “I passed out that day. Do you remember me saying I was about to take a nap?” She nods. “Lindsay was there, which I admit, was fucking stupid. I’m not justifying my actions. She turned off my phone and slipped into my bed. But baby, I was asleep. You have to know—” My voice breaks, and I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Lindsay was a horrible mistake, but she wasn’t that kind of mistake. You have to know I would never do that to you.”

  She gazes at me, searching for the truth. “Do I? I don’t know anything about you. Not anymore.”

  The side of my mouth lifts. “You know that’s not true. When it comes to us, Goldi, we’ll always know each other.” My hand moves from under her chin, dipping down to her neck, her pulse jumping underneath my fingertips. “We could go our entire lives without speaking, and still, I’d know you in the next one.”

  She exhales, and I rest my forehead against hers. Her hands are still on my chest and I grab one, moving it until her palm is resting on my heart. “Do you feel that?” I whisper. “Feel how fast my heart is racing? Feel what you do to me?”

  She nods against me.

  “My heart fucking beats for you, Goldi. So please, don’t pretend we don’t know each other. The sole reason for my existence is to know you. In this life, in the next. It doesn’t matter.”

  Her fingers tighten, bunching the fabric of my shirt.

  “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m not even asking for us to be together, although, if that’s something you decide you want, I’ll grab on and never let go.” I grip her hand tighter, pushing it against me. “But it doesn’t matter. Call it kismet, call it fate, call it whatever the fuck you want. It doesn’t change the fact that your soul is meant for mine. Knowing you is the only thing I’m sure of.” My heart slams against my chest, trying to break through my skin to lay itself in her hands.

  She leans back. “You really didn’t sleep with Lindsay?”

  “That’s what you got out of all that?” I move my hand that was on her neck up to her cheek and cup it in my palm. She turns into it, and fuck, I’d spend every night for the rest of my life with just this touch, and I swear it would be enough. “No. I never slept with her. The only person I’ve ever wanted is you.”

  The air thickens, weaving around us and tightening until I’m sure I’ll burst if I don’t get closer. My grip strengthens, pulling her against me. Her hands clench my shirt tighter as she rises up on her toes, rubbing her hand against the stubble on my jaw.

  “Chase—” she breathes.

  My eyes are locked on her mouth, desperate for j
ust a fucking taste of her. I lean my head down, lightly grazing my lips across hers. The touch shoots a tingle through my body. Tell me this is okay, Goldi.

  Her hand moves from my face to the back of my neck, fingers tangling in the ends of my hair. My stomach somersaults with anticipation.

  Slam.

  The sound of a crash in the living room breaks us apart. Goldi’s eyes widen as she stares at me, her hand touching her lips. She turns and runs into the living room, and I follow.

  Her dad’s fallen out of his recliner, passed out on the floor. She sighs and walks over to him.

  “Daddy,” she says. But we both know once he’s out, he’s out.

  I want to go back to a few seconds ago, but instead of pulling her into my arms, it’s Mr. Carson I go for. By the time I get him settled in bed and head back to the living room, she’s already gone.

  36

  Alina

  Knowing Chase didn’t sleep with Lindsay is a balm to the wounds of my heart. Maybe I shouldn’t believe him. After all, it’s easy for someone’s words to be just that. Words. I should know, I’ve been a sucker for Chase’s a million times. But it’s exhausting trying to hold on to the anger after all these years, especially when all I’m really searching for is peace. Plus, he’s not the same boy I once knew. He’s changed, grown. Probably more than I have, to be honest. He’s seeing a therapist. That’s more than I’ve ever done, and Lord knows I could use one.

  I called in sick to work on Tuesday, unable to face Chase after our almost-kiss. I did send him a text asking him not to come to Daddy’s that night, and even though I wasn’t sure he would listen, he did. The real kicker is that I missed him when he wasn’t there. I guess it serves me right for avoiding him. Somehow, he’s wormed his way back into every single piece of me, and I don’t want to fight it anymore.

  I’ve decided I’m not going to.

  Work isn’t the best place to air all of our dirty laundry, so I’m hoping he’ll come back over to Daddy’s tonight and we can talk after dinner. I haven’t even thought about how I’m going to tell Jax or Becca. Seeing as how Jax still isn’t talking to me, I figure that’s something I’ll worry about later. I’m a little nervous about their reaction, but it doesn’t really make a difference either way. Chase makes me happy. He did back when we were kids—before things went to crap, and I know deep in my bones he’d make me happy for the rest of my life if I would only let him. It’s like he said—we’re meant to know each other.

  The butterflies flop around in my belly as I pull into Tiny Dancers and see Chase’s truck. I search for him when I get inside, but I know he isn’t in the front area. The pull in the air whenever he’s near is missing.

  Walking in the office, I stop short. Chase sits in the desk chair, leaned back with his feet up and ankles crossed, dark hair mussed and looking like he doesn’t have a care in the world. My heart skips at the sight of him, and so does my stomach when I think about what I’m going to tell him. That I want him. That I forgive him.

  “Hi.” My nervous energy shows itself on my cheeks.

  “We missed you here yesterday.” His eyes laser into me as he walks around the desk. “Missed you last night, too.”

  He’s close. My heart speeds up, beating so hard it’s bound to burst out of my chest any second. “I just needed some time to think.”

  I don’t have to be looking at him to feel the way he’s taking inventory of my body. I took extra time getting ready this morning. I hope he notices.

  “You planning on keeping me away again tonight?” His voice is low. Sexy.

  I raise my face to his as I shake my head no. He steps in closer, the tips of his shoes brushing against the closed toes of my pumps, his chest grazing against me with every inhale.

  “So you’ve had enough time to think?” he rasps.

  My mouth dries as the energy crackles between us. My insides are on fire, the heat between my legs threatening to consume me, and I’m tempted to climb him like a tree right here in this office. Anything to alleviate this ache.

  There’s a knock on the door and we jump apart. Dang. What is it with people interruptin’ us?

  “It’s open,” I holler.

  Jack opens the door and peeks his head in. “Boss? You got a minute? We could use an extra set of hands, Matt just went home sick for the day.”

  Chase clears his throat. “Yep, I’ll be right out. Just finishing up with Alina.”

  Jack nods and leaves the door open as he walks away.

  Chase is undeterred, stepping back into me as soon as Jack’s gone.

  My hands fly to his chest, fingers caressing the defined muscles before I can stop myself. “Can we talk tonight?”

  “We can do anything you want, baby.”

  Baby. My heart dances inside my chest, and I can’t stop the way my lips curl up. “Good. I’ll see you tonight, then.”

  His dimples come out to play as he gives me a blinding smile. His rough hand reaches up and cups my cheek causing a shiver to race down my spine. A kiss brushes against my skin, so close to my lips I can taste him. Heat flares from my cheeks down to my toes.

  “I’ll see you tonight,” he whispers.

  He doesn’t wait for a response, just brushes by me and closes the door on his way out.

  I’m nervous the rest of the day. Like, hands sweating, knees knocking, body buzzing, nervous. I feel like I’m a teenager again, about to leap into something I know nobody will approve of. Chase and I still have some things to work through—I know that. Hurts like what he caused don’t go away overnight. But I can’t keep holding the sins of a boy against the soul of the man.

  He beat me to Daddy’s, like usual. I see his truck as I pull in behind it. Laughter filters through the front door and I smile, happiness spreading through my veins at the thought that Daddy has someone to talk to. It just further cements the fact that moving forward with Chase is the right choice. I want him here. With us. With me.

  I walk into the kitchen and stumble over my feet when I realize the laugh didn’t come from Chase.

  It came from Eli.

  I’m frozen in the doorway taking in the scene. Chase is at the stove, sautéing something in a pan while Eli and Daddy sit at the kitchen table. There’s a beer in front of both of them and a pretty strawberry-blonde thing sitting next to Eli. They haven’t realized I’m here, and I take the moment to soak in my long-lost brother. It’s been a long time.

  He’s always been a fit guy—basketball keeps you in peak physical condition, but the last time I saw him was eight years ago. He’s grown up. There’s a twist in my heart knowing I didn’t get to experience his transition into adulthood.

  He looks relaxed. His legs are stretched out in front of him, so long they touch the other side of the table. His hair—the same honey-blond shade as mine—is longer than he used to keep it. If it wasn’t for his slicked-back city style, I imagine pieces would be flopping on his forehead.

  Eli’s eyes are still crinkled from laughter when he sees me in the doorway. “Baby sis! About time you got here. Pops and I were about to start in on all of your embarrassing stories.”

  “Eli.” I glance over at Chase. His back is to me since he’s at the stove, but he twists around and winks. Clearly, he’s the one cooking dinner. For all of us. This is… strange.

  I fall into the closest chair at the table. “I thought y’all weren’t gettin’ here until Friday.”

  “We decided to come early. Not excited to see me?” Eli chuckles. Like it’s funny he just showed up. Like it’s no big deal he’s able to sit down and laugh with Daddy like nothing’s changed. My nails dig into the tops of my thighs as the resentment builds.

  “Just surprised is all.” I nod my head toward who I’m assuming is his fiancée. “Big city life make you forget your manners, Eli? You plannin’ on makin’ any introductions?”

  Eli’s smile drops. The blonde reaches across him, sticking her hand out. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Alina. I’m Sarah, this big guy’s wom
an.” She jerks her elbow into his chest with her words.

  I take her hand, smiling at her easy-going nature. She seems nice. “Pleasure’s all mine, Sarah. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. Welcome to Sugarlake.”

  Her sky-blue eyes twinkle as she tucks her long, glossy, straight hair behind her ear. “I’m so excited to be here! It’s totally my fault we’re here two days early. I wanted to have time to sightsee before we start nailing down wedding details.”

  I stifle the smirk that’s creeping on my face and look over to see Chase’s shoulders shaking. The fact she thinks she can “sightsee” Sugarlake only shows how little Eli has talked about his hometown.

  “Well, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to see everything we have to offer.” I grin as I lock eyes with Eli. “Speakin’ of weddin’ details, I’m just gonna give y’all Becca’s number so you can call her yourself.”

  Eli’s shoulders stiffen. “What? I don’t want to do that, why can’t you just talk to her for me like I asked you to?”

  His tone grates on my nerves. “For one thing, Eli, I’m not your dang slave. For another, I did ask her and she wasn’t exactly responsive.” I think back to how weird she got when I brought it up. “What happened with you two, anyway?”

  Eli rests his hand on Sarah’s thigh, his eyes hardening. “Nothing important.”

  I laugh. His accent is barely noticeable after years of being away. “Well, she gets psycho whenever I bring you up. Acted like I was the Devil himself for askin’ her to help. I’m not in the business of tickin’ off my best friend, so like I said… I’ll give you her number.”

  Eli’s nostrils flare as he clenches his lips. Sarah pats the hand on her thigh and smiles at me. “That’d be great, Alina. I have no problem giving her a call and setting something up.”